Pick at my brain a little, would ya?

God loves me, a sinner.

March 25, 2011 at 7:53 am (Uncategorized)

There have been a lot of thoughts that have swirled around in my head since hearing of the incident in an at-home Houston daycare run by Jessica Tata.  She allegedly left a pot of oil burning on a stove while she went to Target and left all of those babies alone.  Four died, and three were injured.

My first instinct when I heard of this was to cry, then to get angry, and then to wonder, “What was she thinking?”  I was shocked at the stupidity and irresponsibility of her actions.  I was devastated for those families.  I scooped Aliza up and hugged her tight and thanked God for her once again.

As the story has unfolded, I have been following it on the news.  Before any investigation took place, it was assumed that the fire started, and Tata couldn’t get the children out.  But over time, it was discovered that her negligence caused four little children to die.  I was simply appalled.  I’ve been taking care of other people’s children for years.  I can’t remember a time in my life when I wasn’t ministering to children.  I believe it is my calling, in many different forms.  I can’t imagine ever, ever being that irresponsible.

With that being said, I began to hate this woman.  I may not have ever said that I hated her out loud, but in my heart, I was wishing her the worst.  I wanted my kind of justice for those families.  I wanted her to be tried and sentenced to something terrible.  I wanted her to suffer like those families had suffered. I was livid when I heard that she escaped to Nigeria because I thought she was going to slip away and never be heard from again.

And then, the Lord started to work on my heart, once again, and I must say, I’ve done a lot of repenting in my attitude the past few weeks.

Jessica Tata did do something terrible, yes.  I am not excusing what she has done at all.  I am not making light of those families’ pain and devastation.  I know what it is like first hand to lose someone due to negligence.  I know the agony of losing someone prematurely.  I am intimate with the sting of death and the grace of God.  I would still have my baby brother here on earth if people were responsible with other’s lives.  You don’t know how angry that makes me some days.  You just don’t know.

But what God has taught me through all of this is that Tata, too, is broken.  A sinner.  A human with issues and problems that only God can probably understand.  I will never know what possessed her to go shopping and leave those kids alone with a burning pot of oil on the stove.  I will not know what kind of turmoil she is going through right now knowing that she caused the deaths of those children. I don’t know if the fire was on purpose or accident.  I don’t know her at all.  All I know is that she was responsible for the death of 4 human lives, and that makes me want to hate her.

But, when I think about it, I am no different from Tata.  My problems, issues, depression, anger, and the rest of the sin in me caused Jesus to die on the cross.  It was my responsibility that He died.  His blood is on MY hands.

As Christians, we pass our responsibility of Calvary off.  It’s easy to, especially since we weren’t there whipping His back or shouting curses at Him as He hung there and suffered for our sake.  We don’t understand how wretched we truly are.

There’s a lyric by Bethany Dillon that always convicts me:

How can I despise my brother, when I killed your only begotten Son?

Help me prefer another to say, “You are the only God.”

Every time I hear it, I think about Jessica Tata.  I can either hate her, or I can pray for her salvation.  Begrudgingly at times, I choose the second option.  Not just for Jessica Tata, but for all of humanity.

There are some people that make it so easy to hate them.  I could easily hate the people responsible for my brother’s death.  But I choose not to.  Not because it doesn’t hurt.  Not because it doesn’t make me angry.  Not because I’m denying that they, in some ways, tore my family in pieces.  I choose not to hate them because I am no better.

We serve a loving, compassionate God.  He is patient with us, knows our flaws, sees our intentions, and understands our wretched state.  He calls us to love others, our enemies even.  I am trying to grasp this concept and believe it in the depths of my being, but man, it’s hard.

“But God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” ~ Romans 5:8